Driving with a mental illness

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I have been diagnosed with Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. These illnesses cause me to have a lack of concentration. And you need concentration to drive so here's what I have to say about that. 

When I was 15 I was so eager to start driving because I wanted to be independent. And as it got closer to my 16th birthday I was studying the driver's manual constantly. When I turned 16 I got my permit also at the exact time as my other two older siblings. I was so excited to start driving but after a while, I lost motivation. 

After a couple of times of driving, I got better. At first, my thoughts weren't racing but then it got harder to focus. I would have a song stuck in my head from the night before and I would think about it constantly. Also while driving I would think about how everyone's life is in my hands at that moment and I could just make a wrong turn and cause a huge accident which as you know would end a couple of lives. I literally have to repeat the words red light in my head when I see one just to stay focused. 

I still enjoy driving though. It's a really good coping skill. I feel like almost everyone with a mental illness hates hearing that. When you are having a bad day then you ask a professional for help and they say "just use your coping skills :)" But other than that they're still a good help. 

My mom always asks me if I pay attention while driving and if my mind isn't elsewhere. And I feel like it's so weird that she constantly asks me that but I always say no. Which is me lying? I don't know if this happens to everyone that drives but sometimes while I drive I forget that I'm driving, I'm not saying this has to do with my mental illness at all I'm just saying this to say it because it kind of scares me. I could be driving to go pick up my sister from work and then I would just stare straight in front of me with a blank stare like I lost touch with reality. 

Driving is very important to me though. Mainly because it gives me a sense of freedom. My dad is disabled and he is the only one in the family with a license. As he gets older his disability gets worse which makes me worry about what I might have to change in my lifestyle to keep the family functioning appropriately. I was so excited to drive and at 17 I got my license. This was really huge for me, but it got even scarier. I had to start driving places on my own. And now I feel afraid to drive by myself unless someone shows me the way beforehand. 

I thought driving would be easier and more fun but there is a lot that comes with it. Being alert all the time and making sure you look everywhere is a handful for me. Well, probably cuz I am a new driver. 

I want to know if I'm not the only one that's like this. So down in the comments tell me about your driving stories even ones that aren't about this topic I'm here to listen :) And don't forget to follow me so you'll be able to know when I upload a new post.


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