Stress put me in the Emergency Room

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 Hey, 


I haven't been active on here as much cuz it's literally been 3 years but life has been interesting lately. I've been struggling with stomach issues for the past 3 months now going onto the 4th month only to be told that it is a misdiagnosis. Something changed my view on this though...


During this period of my stomach issues I kept throwing up, feeling light headed and dehydrated to the point where my blood pressure was extremely low. Still no diagnosis, but I think I diagnosed myself in a way. 


My Primary Care Physician had an appointment with me and said he feels that this could be linked to my depression and anxiety. He continued on to say that stress can have an effect on your stomach. Before the beginning of the appointment one of his associates had asked me if I was feeling suicidal at all or had any negative thoughts to which I replied with, no. 


I lied.


I have been battling with negative thoughts for the past 2 months and I feel like I'm stuck in a box. My family situation isn't the best. I remember when there was one day I couldn't take it anymore. I cried in the bathroom 3 times at work and came home crying. I told my family I couldn't do life anymore and I've been feeling so depressed and suicidal to which they replied with, 

"Well...you haven't been eating much maybe that's why you feel that way." 


Those words shattered me for days and they still do. IDK I just feel like my family doesn't understand the severity of my stress. I am the only one working in a family of 4. My father passed away 3 years ago and I feel like I took his place. Life gets so stressful sometimes and I keep to myself about it because I don't want to stress anyone out with my problems, however a special someone has made me aware that my thoughts and feelings are important. Thank you M. 💖


Still though, it get's tough sometimes. When there's financial hardship everyone looks at me like a bank. I feel like I'm Chase Bank and I need to always have funds available for customers but those customers are my family. I don't want to leave them bone dry of course but what about me. When it comes to me purchasing things for myself I am seen as an irresponsible person. 


BUT 

When they want to purchase something it's a good investment and I need to make sure I have the funds to provide for it cuz if I don't I get slandered. It's almost like everyday I face some type of stress inducing experience. 


This new job definitely has been the beginning of it but having to go a job that's extremely stressful then go home to more stress? 


You know? 


Now I think the doctor was right. 


My diagnosis is stress. 


Extreme...


stress.






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