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  Keeping up with life is hard especially when you are not in the spot you want to be. Mainly because when you are not it feels like you need to try your hardest to get there. Sometimes I tend to get stuck in these thoughts where I tell myself that I could be better than how I am right now and I go down a rabbit hole of more thoughts that enhance the boring or unsatisfying parts of my life.  I feel that in order to not go down that rabbit hole I have to be in the mode of recovery. And by that, I mean getting into the starting line of becoming my best self, such as recovering from depression, anxiety, envy, and anger. Literally, anything you name it. And by recovering I don't mean I am in those stages right now I mean that I am recovering from the thoughts that those stages left me with. And I will be in a mode where I'll be working towards getting better.  I have been through a lot since the start of my diagnosis but that diagnosis doesn't define me or who I will become i...

Sometimes memories from the past can be really hard to handle. They pop up in your head sometimes so suddenly out of nowhere. And that is what I dislike the most about them. I have a lot of memories from the past that can keep me up at night but I try my best to stay focused on what is good in life or the memories that brought me joy... It isn't good to think about the past a lot. You should keep your mind in the present or the future but sometimes we are led to the past by the jogging of our memories through random reminders. It is really hard to stay focused on your present and the future though. Especially if you have had a traumatic past that lingers in the back of your mind at any time of the day. Just know it won't be like this forever.  I realize that when I make changes to my routine like adding things that will allow me to look forward to the future or the present future, I think more about the present and the future because that is where my mind is. My mind is usually...

Do you ever get into a situation with someone where they talk your ear off and you really want to say something back but you know that saying something will cause a massive quarrel between you two, making everything worse than it already is? Because same and here is what I have to say about that... When it comes to getting into arguments steer away from them. Mainly because arguments cause you to lash out and say things you don't really mean, speaking from experience. Then after those things are displayed they will be regretted. Which will cause overthinking and more chaos. I'm not implying that I know what's best but I feel that your mental health will be way better if you avoid arguments and sit in silence instead. Because silence is louder than anything you can possibly say. Also, you should remove yourself from the situation. If you are in an argument with someone else go somewhere else and leave the person alone for a while so they can calm down till it's time for ...

Laying in bed for days on end can be very emotionally comforting but...it can also be mentally draining speaking from past experiences. I know that it is hard to get up as if nothing is wrong and just go about with your day as if you never had any mental health struggles but remember, you have a place in this world just like an actor has a role you have a role in life so if you are missing how will the world function with a person missing from the cast?  In the past when I struggled most with my Mental Health I would sleep all day and not even wake up to eat. I would just sleep, but when I was awake I would be on my phone looking at social media and comparing the lives of others to mine, which made everything worse. When I ate, I would only have an appetite for junk food such as chocolate and chips. But as you can see from the beginning of the paragraph I wrote: "in the past." So let's talk about right now.  Now when it comes to having the feeling like I don't want to...

I very much dislike walking into a room full of people because while I make my way to where ever I need to go in that room I feel like all eyes are on me and they aren't kind eyes but judging eyes. Eyes silently ridiculing my outfit, how I walk, or even how I look. Here is more of what I have to say about that... If you go through the same thing, I need to tell you that no one is actually looking at you. Well, they may look but they're not actually staring you down. People have other things going on in their minds that they barely even focus on and pay attention to reality. Think about all the times you probably zoned out more than once and weren't really giving mind to anything around you. Other people are the same.  The next time you walk into a room full of people I want you to walk in confidently feeling like you're the queen or king that you are. And if there is someone looking at you give them a smile maybe you can make a new friend! Have a great day lovelies and ...

    I graduated today! I am officially a college student. My journey was rough but I am going into a new chapter of my life which I am so excited about. Here's what I have to say about that... My four years of high school were not what I expected. I cried many tears and fought so many battles that led up to this significant achievement. But it was worth it. Almost every day of my years in high school I went to my guidance counselor for support and she most definitely came through. Never go through anything on your own or feel like you're bothering someone when you need help because there is always someone waiting to help and support you especially if it's their job.  Not gonna lie I felt like that multiple times. Each time I went into the office for a Mental Health matter I sometimes thought to myself "I came here yesterday, should I just leave cuz I feel like I'm annoying her." BUT...I shut out that tiny voice in my head that was stopping me from getting supp...

Have you ever had that one person that isn't in your life anymore? They left long ago but you had many memories with that person. They even supported you and made you feel normal which made them even more valuable to you.  Well, same. I had the same person who left a year ago. And here is how that went... I have realized that letting go is a good thing. Sometimes there is a person in your life that keeps you from growing which causes you to stay the same person for years and stay in the same rut or mindset you have always been in. Which in my perspective isn't good. You need new. You need better. You need a better sense of life.  After losing this one person I told myself "This is a time to do something different." I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was ready to take on the world and try something new. And be new. Being in that situation made me feel like I was in a time capsule. I was going to be opened up after a couple years of being secluded....

When the rain falls then comes the sun When you feel sad, you want to run  You can hide until it's all better  Then wait for the good weather  Let me tell you this quick tip  It's fine if you feel like you want to skip  Skip out on dinner or friends  Just please make sure it's not the end It's okay to not be okay  It's okay to not go out that day  But please make a little effort  To get out of the desert  The blazing heat on your back makes tears feel like comfort  But the joy that lies ahead will be unbearable  So keep fighting because there's no such thing as a heart that isn't repairable 

I graduate from high school next month and I feel like I am not ready. I can't believe I have come so far. A couple of months ago I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to graduate mainly because of how I ended up in the hospital each time in the middle of the school year and my grades plummeted. But this is a huge step.  After high school, I plan to go to college. I used to be very confident that I wanted to be a Social Worker but something changed. I did have a plan to work with homeless communities and try to make them less dehumanized. But in order to become a real social worker and have a better impact, I need to get a master's degree. I kind of had this weird belief that no one will respect me in the workplace if I don't have a master's degree but that has changed. I'm going to a college with barely any master's degree programs that I would enjoy and I'm not sure if, after my bachelor's I would want to transfer to a different college for a master...

Do you ever have questionable or scary thoughts? Thoughts that make you wonder if you are even the same person you were before you had that thought. Well, I'm here to tell you, I have the same!  Sometimes I could just be doing any random thing or looking at someone and a questionable thought comes to my mind. For example, If I'm using a knife to cut some fruit I sometimes think, "Imagine I just stabbed myself right now." And after thinking that thought I wonder why it even popped up because I'm not a violent person. I could also be driving and think in my mind "Imagine I just swerve off the road and hit this person" or in class I think "Imagine I strip naked in front of everyone right now."  If you have any of these thoughts just know that you are not alone. And what I learned from my therapist is that they are NOT your thoughts. My therapist explained it to me like this...There is something called your filter thoughts and your actual thoughts....

       Hey dudes and dudettes! I don't really know who I'm greeting because barely anyone reads my blogs so yeah. But anyways life is pretty good right now. I'm a senior in high school and I graduate in a couple of months which is so exciting! I'm also working towards getting my driver's license and I can't wait for that. I haven't posted in months but I've realized something. No matter how much your life sucks right now it will get better in the future and you should live every day expecting the unexpected of the day to come. Speaking from experience, when you feel negative about tomorrow not knowing what it will bring you already put yourself down into a hole full of negativity and anxiety. So lovelies, keep your heads up high and walk into each day with an open mind. I can't say all this so positively though as if it's an easy thing to do because it really isn't. You can try to walk into each day with an open mind but that open mind will s...